1

Going on 9 years, I've decided the struggle with my body will never end.

I am 20, in college, been with my boyfriend on and off for about 10 months, typical.

I work 2 part time jobs, living back at home with parents for now.

I've been eating like crap for the past few months and finally it is taking its toll on my body.

I used to be okay with being 140 - I got comfortable with my weight, I thought I beat this disease. But I didn't, I haven't.

Now, I am now approaching 150. I barely fit into my size 28 seven jeans. I am nauseated everyday, all the time. I just don't digest food it seems. I feel heavy and lethargic.

- Didn't take my effexor last night

- Woke up at 2:45pm today with withdrawals and night sweats after 12 hours of crazy dreams.

- Had a bowl of chili

- Ate some rice cakes

- Cleaned boyfriends house

- Ate chips, water and went home

- Cleaned and had 3 pieces of toast

- Felt nauseated as hell.

- Family cooked dinner: BBQ chicken, new potatoes, and peas.

- Turned on the shower, puked up dinner and undigested chili and felt better, took a shower

- Went tanning

- Went shopping at walmart - added to my $8,000 of credit card debt..

I guess the basics, Height: 66", HW 156, LW 122 - No GW - Just skinny - Not boney skinny, just lanky.. 'angelina jolie in wanted' skinny. It's helpful for me to talk about everything and write down my in/out to see what works as far as weight loss. But I also want to track my debt here and see how long it takes me to get it down again. I've also been on Effexor XR (evil drug) for 4 years - was put on it for depression and I'm determined to get off of it, but if you've ever taken it, you know the withdrawal effects are HELL - it is not easy. I will write about that here. Maybe I'll end up counting calories again. Who knows. I hate that I was "cured" - I beat anorexia. I was happy with my weight, or so I thought.. but here I am. Again.